marriage as example

She added that submission is also not the key. 

She went on to share what she believes makes a marriage happy. 

Using her marriage as an example, she wrote: ‘The key to a happy marriage isn’t doing everything to please your spouse or submitting like sugar dissolving in water. The real key is for kind, properly brought-up, and mentally sound individuals to find each other and marry.  

‘You’ll never have to try too hard.  I’ve done things that, if it were with koromoto men, the marriage would have ended long ago. So I’m not married today because I’m perfect or do everything right—I’m married because I chose someone mentally sound and, may I add, properly brought up.  

‘The mindset of an individual is the most important aspect. Once the mind is broken, nothing you do will be enough. You’ll keep working yourself to please the other until you break down. And this isn’t even a gender thing, both men and women sometimes overstress themselves just to make marriage work. It’s not supposed to be that way.  

‘There are things that sound normal for a man to do for his wife in marriage, but I stop my husband from doing them. I’ll just say, “Babe, don’t worry.” I remember when I had my boy in the hospital. We were supposed to go home, and my husband knew it was right for him to come get me, he had planned to. 

‘But an urgent meeting at work came up, so he called his sister, who is also a serious career woman, to pick me up. She called, and I told her, “Madam, don’t worry.” Before she will even make the plans, I got our office driver to take me home. My husband came back feeling weird, like, “I should have…” I told him, “Nonsense, you didn’t need to.” No drama, no scenes.  

‘There was also a time I noticed he wasn’t eating well. I decided I would make food for him to carry no matter what. One evening I prepared everything and told him, “Please wake me up when you’re about to start getting ready so I can quickly mix the food.”  

‘I woke up to see him knotting his tie, about to leave. I said, “Babe, I told you to call me.” He didn’t say a word. I raised my voice again, “But I told you to call me so I could quickly boil rice and mix the sauce.”  

‘He said, “Roberta, you know I’ll never wake you up too early to make me a meal. Why should I wake you up? Any day you wake up on your own, that’s the day you should make it. Any day you can’t wake up, it means your body isn’t ready for that stress, and I don’t want to eat from such stress.”  

‘It dawned on me that we’re just the type who don’t like to stress each other. If you’re putting in too much effort just to be loved, you’ll eventually wear out. And when you can’t keep it up anymore, the union will naturally give way.’

He said, “Roberta, you know I’ll never wake you up too early to make me a meal. Why should I wake you up? Any day you wake up on your own, that’s the day you should make it. Any day you can’t wake up, it means your body isn’t ready for that
stress, and I don’t want to eat from such stress.” It dawned on me that we’re just the type who don’t like to stress each other. If you’re putting in too much effort just to be loved, you’ll eventually wear out. And when you can’t keep it up anymore, the union will naturally give way.